Signal Filter

What We've Been Saying..

2008-05-16T11:25:00.002-04:00

This is a pretty revealing "article"--really just a collection of quotes from Hillary staff and confidants--about all of the many reasons why Obama was able, and should have, beaten Hillary in this primary contest. In other words, everything most of us have known and have been saying since January.

This is why Punk is not an American Phenomenon.

2008-05-09T12:21:00.003-04:00

Everyone knows that the Man is out to get you. It's a given. And to do that, they need to watch you, which they do. So you have to love the "Make the best of it." attitude of this voyeuree British band.

What I want to know: How did they record the audio?

Motherless Sons of Bitches...

2008-05-09T11:05:00.002-04:00

Slamming my head into my desk just isn't going to cut it for this one....

Up is Down, Black is White.

2008-05-09T09:17:00.003-04:00

I don't read anything Peggy Noonan writes anymore, as a sort of rule, in much the same way that I don't date High School girls anymore. I'm not in High School, and frankly, who wants the drama? Yet despite the fact that she's on the wrong side of pretty much every issue I could think of, her outsider perspective (read: Not from the same goddamn planet) gives her a unique position from which to observe and explicate the situation that the Democratic party is in right now.

In short: Be afraid. Be very afraid. Noonan is making sense, Hillary is a Republican, and McCain is Bush. Topsy turvy world, indeed.

A Lone Voice of Stoopid

2008-05-06T08:45:00.002-04:00

This is one of the most intellectually dishonest articles I've read this year, and that's saying something. Look, there's a reason even Paul Krugman thinks this gas tax idea is idiotic. Put aside for a moment that Hillary's "Gas Tax Holiday" bill doesn't EXIST and would NEVER pass the Senate, it's still not going to do anything about gas prices long term, and in fact is the opposite of what we should be doing to wean American consumers off of our self-destructive oil habit. I don't know who's in charge over there at Salon, but the fact that this article got printed--cognitively dissonant at times and factually flawed at others--tells me no one is at the wheel.

The DVD is strong with this one...

2008-05-05T17:26:00.003-04:00

Linking this because I'm a Star Wars geek and this is about the most fantastic thing mankind has produced in a while. Seriously.

From the comments: "Never have I wanted something so much, that I needed so little."

Writing Cloak and Dagger

2008-05-05T11:10:00.002-04:00

Ellipses are pretty much my favorite part of writing. Period. Period. Period. (Get it?) They are wildly misunderstood and as such have taken on a myriad uses in modern writing, e-mailing, blogging, and texting. I use them, for example, whenever my brain fails to finish a thought or whenever I wish to indicate a pause intended to allow the point I'm making to sink in to the reader's mind before I abuse them with a poor punchline or a contradictory point. One of their uses, perhaps even their most official one, is to indicate a truncated quotation. This is useful and often necessary when quoting a large piece of text. Abusing it's power to do so, however, is perhaps one of the most dastardly things in writing, especially for anyone pretending to have any intellectual honesty.

So no surprise we get a prime example from the Clinton campaign on the worst possible employment of ellipses.

Here is a quote appearing at Hillary's "FactHub" website from Paul Krugman, noted economist and occasional jackass:

Krugman adds: "Just to be clear: I don't regard this as a major issue. It's a one-time thing, not a matter of principle...Health care reform, on the other hand, could happen, and is very much a long-term issue--so poisoning the well by in effect running against universality, as Obama has, is a much more serious breach."

Cool. See the ellipses? Good. See Krugman make it seem like Obama is running against Universal Healthcare? Good, but the fact that Krugman is a jackass is not my point here.

Those ellipses are doing a dirty deed. A very dirty deed. Here's what the quote looks like without this nefarious little dots:

Krugman adds: "Just to be clear: I don't regard this as a major issue. It's a one-time thing, not a matter of principle, especially because everyone knows the gas tax holiday isn't actually going to happen. Health care reform, on the other hand, could happen, and is very much a long-term issue--so poisoning the well by in effect running against universality, as Obama has, is a much more serious breach."

Yeah. Convenient those little ellipses.

This is how the Bush Administration started. Oh sure, now they just make quotes up completely and put a gun to the head of anyone they want a favorable quote from, but ellipses was their gateway drug.

Just say NO. Period.

New meaning to the term, "FORE!"

2008-05-05T10:51:00.002-04:00

I really thought this was a joke at first. Then I kept reading. No punchline. They really want to turn Baghdad into Palm Springs. Besides the fact that I think it's safe to say that Baghdad won't be a tourist hotspot for a few more decades, or more, I don't think contractors like to have their crews and equipment under the constant threat of being blown apart. Who's going to be the insurance underwriter on this??

Oh right. We are. How silly of me.

The Empire Strikes Barack

2008-05-02T09:35:00.002-04:00

I'm not sure I have the words to express how well this mash-up captures reality using perhaps one of the highest forms of fantasy.

Pwned.

2008-05-01T12:24:00.003-04:00

This woman can be my First lady any day.

The interviewer later prefaced a question by saying she wanted to "turn the page" from the Wright controversy.

"No, you don't," Mrs. Obama replied.

Hmmmm...

2008-05-01T12:05:00.004-04:00

Josh Marshall thinks there might be evidence to suggest that there are a lot of racists in Kentucky.

In other news, sources indicate that the sun will set tonight, and perhaps even rise again tomorrow morning.

His Balls Are HUGE!

2008-05-01T11:53:00.002-04:00

Say what you will about George W. Bush (and preferably do so with a leer) but you have to hand it to him, no one creates better irony than he does.

My wicket says your Cricket is boring...

2008-05-01T11:17:00.003-04:00

Perhaps for the first time ever, sex overshadows the thrilling sport of Cricket.

Yeah...I couldn't keep a straight face either.

I can't say I'm surprised, really. I'm not sure how anyone thought this would be a spectacular idea. India, for all it's economic growth and growing clout in the political realm, has, at best, grown sideways on a social front. They remain, by all accounts, socially conservative near to the point of a humanitarian crisis. Say what you want about American "morals" (see, I did it again, can't keep a straight face when I say it) but I'd much rather live in a world with scantily clad girls at the Cricket match than one without. You can't watch the game because you'd have to know the Rules of the game to enjoy it, and there are only about 16 people on the planet who do. So for the rest of us, there are miniskirts and tank-tops that don't fit. And liquor. Lots and lots of liquor. THAT, at least, doesn't seem to be a problem for them.

Friedman gets it in one.

2008-04-30T12:51:00.005-04:00

I really didn't like this guys' last book. Or the one before that. Maybe it's the way he writes or maybe it's the way he thinks everything should be explained through a not-as-clever-as-he-thinks-it-is little story or anecdote. In either case, the guy does hit the truth nine times out of ten (albeit sometimes with a nerf-bat and sometimes with a small East African marsupial) and his opinion in the NYT today is a slam dunk. Our energy policy isn't failing because it's bad, it's failing because it doesn't EXIST and no one elected to build one has done anything about it, besides make the problem worse. Oh, and Hillary and John McCain wouldn't know an energy policy if it tried to make out with them.

No, Cheers to YOU, sir.

2008-04-30T09:19:00.002-04:00

Bill in Portland, Maine gets it right.

Spam Turns 30

2008-04-30T08:55:00.002-04:00

Least. Celebrated. Birthday. EVER!

The fact that so much of our overall e-mail correspondence is generic copy and that the vast majority of it is deleted without being read has to say something about us as a species, right?

h/t Sullivan

Temperance

2008-04-30T08:39:00.003-04:00

I'm quite literally running out of ways to want to do this man bodily harm. There has not been in my lifetime a less patriotic, less useful, less egregiously evil, or more self-serving human being in politics. Whoever gets elected to the office of President next, even if it's John McCain--perish the thought--ought to squash Dick Cheney like the sniveling insect he is.

Holding back like this can not be good for me...

Feeze! Nobody Salinate!!!

2008-04-29T09:08:00.003-04:00

Why don't cool and interesting (and possibly profitable) things like this ever happen to me?

Besides the fact that I'm way too lazy to maintain a proper saltwater fish tank...

GTFO GTA

2008-04-28T15:17:00.003-04:00

I follow videogames, and their influence on our society, as closely as I can. I think the effect of videogames on Americans has been substantial and in some ways transformative, and a net positive. Just as comic books were vilified in their heyday, so is the video game being maligned as a rotting influence on our youth. I say all of this by way of preface to the following statement.

Grand Theft Auto and all of it's sequels are filth, trash, and ought to be burned out of existence. Fuck this noise.

Newsflash

2008-04-28T11:01:00.001-04:00

Karl Rove has some advice for Obama.

In other news, Hitler returns from the grave to give Bush some pointers.

Rudy, We Hardly Knew Ye

2008-04-28T09:15:00.004-04:00

Apparently all the swag that a presidential campaign generates doesn't evaporate like that candidate's hopes and dreams do. Who knew?

Thinking about it, I'd imagine that if you marketed it virally well enough, you could actually make some profit on the Rudy 2008 gear. It'd be like a pet rock. So stupid and sad it's cool.

Condensed Soup

2008-04-28T09:08:00.002-04:00

Rev. Wright, Rev. Wright, Jeremiah Wright, Obama, Wright, controversial, god-damn America, Wright, Rev. Wright, United Church of Christ, Lapel Flag Pins, racism, Obama, Wright, Speeches, NAACP, Rev. Wright, Barack Hussein Obama, Black people, white-working-class voters, Obama, Rev. Wright, attack ad, John McCain, Obama, Rev. Wright.

There. Now you don't have to watch cable news for at least the next 72 hours.

Joint Bank Accounts

2008-04-25T12:56:00.003-04:00

Obama and the DNC are putting together a deal to tie Obama's candidacy to the DNC in a financial way. This is a very good thing for Obama, because as I see it, short of giving the Superdelegates actual votes, this is the next best way for Obama to legitimize his candidacy with undecided Superdelegates.

WWIII, bitches!

2008-04-25T11:44:00.002-04:00

This is how it usually starts. A little thing. A stupid thing. Maybe nobody even dies. But this is how it starts.

Update: It appears no one is making an issue out of this. Thank God, Allah, whoever.

Thanks?

2008-04-25T11:28:00.002-04:00

The Harvard Institute of Politics has taken a look around and discovered something fascinating! Young voters overwhelmingly prefer Senator Obama over Senators Clinton and McCain!

In other news, there's mounting evidence that members of the NRA will not be supporting Senator Obama in November.

Points for trying...oh wait....no points for anything...

2008-04-25T11:17:00.002-04:00

I link you to this moronic piece of editorialism, not just because it's dripping with teh stoopid, but also because it is staggeringly poor writing. If someone gets paid to write this, and then a second person gets paid to edit it, by that logic a third party (I'm volunteering) should be paid for having had to read it.

Today's Truthiness:

2008-04-25T10:25:00.002-04:00

Rush Limbaugh is a douchebag.

Crazy, Like Insane, or Crazy Smart?

2008-04-25T09:43:00.005-04:00

A not-so-little bird whispered in my ear this morning.

And he had a crazy prospect.

Obama should take Ed Rendell as his VP candidate.

To which I said, "Wha??" and promptly began to choke-out said bird...

...but then I thought about it...and my distaste for such a notion began to grow as faint as the bird's pitiful chirps for clemency.

It's true that at this point Obama will have to make a major endeavor to reclaim the Land of Clinton and her supporters. Just like Germany and Japan, they will have to carefully be brought in as allies after we've annihilated their way of life. For many reasons, most of them having to do with her no longer being a Democrat, Clinton herself would be poison on Obama's ticket. So what better way to extend an olive branch with one hand and pass the hat with the other than to offer the VP spot to Clinton's most vocal and arguably most popular surrogate? Sure, it doesn't help Obama in the West much, and Rendell has this slight issue with telling the truth (Can you have two people with that problem on the same ticket? Has it ever been tried??) which might get them both in trouble, but the upsides are a strong showing in Pennsylvania and a feeling among Clinton supporters that an Obama Presidency wouldn't be the "Fresh Prince of Bel Air" episode they all think it's going to be.

Well, maybe there are better ways to get the money of Clinton donors, but I haven't thought of them yet, and now I have a dead bird in my hand. Oops.

EPIC FAIL

2008-04-25T09:23:00.002-04:00

The acquittal of the detectives in the Sean Bell debacle leaves me more than a little gobsmacked this morning. You can't just shoot up a car. Maybe if, you know, they have a nuclear weapon. Or if they've led police on a ten-hour wild goose chase that endangered the lives of others. But otherwise, using your firearm to stop a moving vehicle for any reason seems a bit extreme, I don't care what badge you wear. Get the license plate number. Call it in. That's why God made helicopters.

The judge couldn't have at least tossed the Reckless Endangerment at them?? They fired 50 shots into one car with three people! The math alone should suggest something was not quite right here!

Finally! An explanation!

2008-01-22T15:28:00.000-05:00

I'm making no excuses for taking a month off. There have been things that needed doing, election results that needed to be stressed over, and I needed to get a cold.

On the plus side, however, I have discovered the truth behind that which gives my life meaning. And that is not small feat. Or feet. Or paw.

MOAR GUD NUS 4 ERTH

2007-12-20T15:53:00.000-05:00

Man may not have caused global warming but science is going to appease the socialists who say we did anyway. Everyone benefits. Yay.

We Didn't Start the Fire...

2007-12-20T15:49:00.000-05:00

Maybe the world is not insane after all. New Senate report cites over 400 international scientists from diverse backgrounds that challenge the findings of the UN IPCC and the concept of anthropological global warming. For comparison, the UN IPCC consists of 52 scientists.

Congress does one thing right in 2007...

2007-12-19T14:26:00.000-05:00

...if you're a liberal commie idiot and you like the gubm'nt telling you what to do!!!!

Huh?

The necessity for this "light bulb legislation" comes from the very simple fact that at present there is no incentive for light bulb manufacturers to convert the majority of their manufacturing power to producing the more complex and more expensive to construct CFLs. Market forces weren't going to do it because while the long term benefits of the CFLs are well documented, when confronted with replacing a light bulb at Home Depot, the cheapest one on the shelf will garner the most sales and therefore the most shelf space. It was a self perpetuating system that needed the nudge that congress is going to give it. This would be authoritarianism if there were anyone out there who would actually argue that there is a benefit to producing and consuming traditional incandescent light bulbs. Since there isn't, and no one is, this is just good lawmaking, if not a little bit underwhelming lawmaking. I'll take what I can get these days.

Come again?

2007-12-18T01:41:00.000-05:00

I can't believe I'm just seeing this now. Where was this all day?

Why don't the MSM trolls at least sniff this one up!? If Sessions gets re-elected I think we ought to set fire to Alabama.

Seriously.

Weekend Redux

2007-12-17T14:48:00.000-05:00

It was A Midsummer Night's Dream at the New School on Friday night. For a show I've seen a few dozen times, not too shabby. I laughed. They cried. I laughed some more.

Side note to NYC: Replace your radiator heat. It's awful.

Saturday found me asleep. Saturday afternoon found me shopping, chopping, and prepping for the girlfriend's bruschetta. Saturday night found me consuming large quantities of wine and playing Taboo. My inner yuppie scum was delighted.

Sunday found me unsticking my car, driving all over creation, dragging a muddy, messy Christmas tree into the apartment, and then cleaning said apartment. It was classy. Oh yeah, and then unsticking my roommate's car.

Shorter: I r errand boy.

This walks the line...

2007-12-14T11:31:00.000-05:00

This craigslist entry is fascinating in the sense that I simply cannot decide whether it's the creepiest thing I've ever read, or the cutest. Yeah, that's right. Cutest. Or it could be creepy.

I usually avoid the word cute as a rule, but romantic just didn't cut the mustard.

Many thanks to Ten Polaroids for the link.

EPIC FAIL

2007-12-14T10:52:00.000-05:00

So I went to Dunkin' Donuts this morning, as I am prone to do when the amount of sleep I got the night before is not equal or greater to 1/5 of the number of hours I will be awake before I sleep again. Or if its Monday. So the young korean girl behind the counter knows who I am, and she knows I always order the same thing. She gives me a look of pity as I walked to the counter. I wondered how awful I really looked.

"Could I get a small Dunkacinno?"

"We don't have Dunkacinnos anymore." She looked as crestfallen as I felt as she said it.

"N-n-no Dunkicinnos?" The elderly Korean woman, possibly her mother, stepped up, and the younger girl who usually takes my order looked away in shame.

"They've discontinued the Dunkacinno, sorry." She said, regretfully.

I stared up at the mauve menu in a desperate attempt to locate something equally tasty, and failed. I ordered a Hot Chocolate and went to work. I am not the least bit amused by this development, and the idiots at Dunkin' Donuts HQ should all go step in front of traffic.

At least the girl behind the counter felt for me. She understood my pain.

Who's cackling now, bitch?!

2007-12-13T22:29:00.000-05:00

There was a debate in Iowa for the leading Democrats in the primary race there. It was actually a fairly decent debate and not nearly the staged idiocy of the CNN YouTube debates. All of the candidates got a chance to air out their policies a bit. However, by far the best moment of the debate came when Hillary thought she was getting a good laugh in at Obama's expense, and he turned it around on her so hard a pimp would have thought it was cold. I gave a little w00t, that's for sure.

Hi, I'm a Mac...

2007-12-13T22:13:00.000-05:00

Classic.

Apple has never done much holiday themed advertising, but this one is great.

P.S. I have a man-crush on John Hodgeman. Just saying.

Damn. Someone got there first.

2007-12-13T10:15:00.001-05:00

Jessica Alba is pregnant.

Rollin' Down the River...

2007-12-13T09:29:00.001-05:00

Ike Turner died today at the age of 76.

It's hard to say anything good about the guy (and there are good things to say) when everyone knows how badly he beat up Tina Turner, but all that aside, modern music lost one of its fathers.

We're funding research on this?

2007-12-13T08:54:00.000-05:00

Apparently there's been a major breakthrough in anthropological science. It's been discovered that women don't topple over while pregnant, and even more importantly, we now know why. I would have thought a simple, "Because they don't." would have satisfied, you know, everyone, but apparently not.

Gist of the article: Women really are baby making machines, they were designed for the job.

UPDATE: So far the best response I've seen to the article on the internet: "Because they have a stove or a countertop to lean on!" Yeah. Sexism. w00t!

UPDATE II: An equally good response: "Because their butts get bigger, duh!"

Things that suck...

2007-12-12T17:14:00.000-05:00

Here's yet another reason you should have to pass a test to become a parent by any means, in any part of the world. In the light of all the awful things that are done to children in the world, this probably isn't remotely the worst, but it is perhaps the most flabbergasting. I guess I need to broaden my horizons when it comes to my contempt for most modern parenting practices. I mean, sure, American parents tend to coddle and shield their children way too much, or in the other extreme, ignore them outright, but I don't think we're going out of our way to get children just to abandon them.

w00t?!

2007-12-12T09:14:00.000-05:00

Merriam-Webster has declared w00t to be the word of the year, just beating out facebook. I think this is cool and progressive and all, I say w00t all the time (though usually in the ironic sense, like, "We have a shit-ton of dishes to wash, w00t w00t!") but I wonder at calling it the word of the year? I mean, I'm just going to go out on a limb here and say that w00t has been a gaming term for damn near a decade now, and a member of the pop-culture lexicon for at least the last three years. So while I applaud the general acknowledgement that the computer generations are bending the language to their needs/will, don't go thinkin' you're all that hip Merriam-Webster.

On a side thought: By recognizing the word, does this make it less potent in the world from which it was wrought?

Kitteh Eerz r dah tasteh!!!! NOM NOM NOM

2007-12-12T08:42:00.000-05:00

I think I've watched this video 8 times today and showed it to two coworkers. It may have been floating out there on the intarwebs for ages, but it's new to me. And hysterical. How does the cat not destroy the little fuzzball? It's fascinating.

Warning: It's a bit of a cliffhanger, you don't get to see what I'm sure is the gory end of the fuzzball.

Rock Stars

2007-12-12T08:31:00.000-05:00

I should have been a Rock Star. At least I'm pretty sure that's what the lady stopped at the red light next to me thought this morning.

No, seriously.

And speaking of rock stars, a clerk at a Dunkin' Donuts here in Northern Jersey fought off a robber with a tip jar. Why? Because he might show up on YouTube, damnit! Plus ten points for fighting off the robber and all that, minus ten thousand points for risking your life for YouTube notoriety.

Hamsters in plastic balls...

2007-12-12T00:03:00.000-05:00

On my way home from work tonight I stopped in at a Dollar store, which was crammed between a Taco Bell and a KFC, which were all, relatively, across the street from a Starbucks. This is the perfect lower-middle class trap. Americans try and save money by shopping at Dollar stores and eating at cheap fast food chains so they can afford to drink Starbucks on their morning commute. It's a cycle, it sucks, and it's beautiful, unmitigated capitalism.

The reason it works? Americans are incredibly gullible, trainable, and so thoroughly bred to seek the best while also simultaneously seeking the cheapest that we can hardly walk out the door of the Dollar store without the overwhelming urge to spend $5 on a Latte.

America in decline? HA!

Christianity is ruining Christmas...

2007-12-11T14:09:00.000-05:00

So this is one heck of a bill. Apparently there was concern over whether the Christians in this country were being appropriately recognized. As if electing their finger puppet into office--twice--weren't enough.

Track This!

2007-12-11T09:41:00.000-05:00

Mostly nonsense this morning. It's December 11th, which usually finds me broke and suffering from "will-my-presents-ship-on-time" anxiety. This year is no exception. I have three incoming packages and one outgoing, none of which have shipped yet. Unfortunately, when they do ship, it will only get worse. Then I'll have tracking numbers. Which I will look-up excessively, affecting the same behavior as a crazy person who looks out the window once every ten seconds, expecting the weather to have changed. Is it a neurosis if it only happens once a year?

Oh yeah. And Tre for President 2008!

Well, at least he'd have some perspective...

2007-12-11T00:47:00.000-05:00

Let's be honest. This Election cycle is a few poorly constructed interior sets away from a sitcom. Celia Rivenbark (of such gems as Stop Dressing Your Six-Year-Old Like a Skank and We're Just Like You Only Prettier) has pretty much laid out the pilot episode in this column. I admit it. I think Dennis Kucinich might be from Neptune, too.

Tequila Flambe? The hell you say...

2007-12-10T20:20:00.000-05:00

I had an opportunity last weekend to visit my buddy Matt at his new job. I was looking forward to a night of sitting at the bar and getting slid free drinks and excess liquor from the drinks of my fellow patrons (which can be both exciting and terrifying) and I was not disappointed. What I had not anticipated was the burger. Sure, I had heard that Rare was a high-end burger joint, and I'm sure I could even recall Matt mentioning them being absolutely worth the price, but at $21, I was enormously skeptical.

I was wrong.

The Rare T-Bone burger with deep fried onions, cheddar cheese, and truffle butter was the second best thing I'd ever eaten in a restaurant. I knocked that burger back like a sorority girl on pledge night. Then I found out why. Not only is the ground T-bone steak charbroiled, it's also flambed in Tequila. I have no idea if that significantly changed the flavor or texture of the burger, but it sure enhanced the coolness factor of what I had already eaten--which after three margaritas, is as important as the taste itself!

Unbelievably....it's believable.

2007-12-10T19:40:00.001-05:00

I was looking for a my daily dose of Election 2008 depression, but then I found this article, and I decided--at least for the next 12 hours--that the outcome of said election is less important than it actually taking place, and the current administration going to a place where they can burn in hell without bothering the rest of us.

Sputnik

2007-12-10T17:11:00.000-05:00

I've been looking for a reason to write something, anything, for some time now, but mostly I jot down a snazzy sentence and call it a day. I'll be posting things here that I find interesting. That's the only criteria, really, which may lead to an utterly disjointed mess. Tough. We're still nearly a year away from the 2008 election and it's already giving me an ulcer, so there's going to be some of that. There will be personal grievances, internet tom-foolery, and perhaps occasionally an original thought--though I wouldn't hold my breath. It will be small, faint, and perhaps poorly constructed but it will be significant in its own right. At least that's what I think the Russians must have been telling themselves at the time...